Bangkok21

The following are excerpts from the "Tiger Chief’s Heroes’ Day Speech".

We found the speech on a page of newspaper that our lunch was wrapped up in, purchased in the hill country of Sri Lanka in a town called Hatton.

Having discovered this little piece of gold, we cannot help but to share it with you.

The newspaper, we think is called Sat Mag, published by Upali Newspapers Ltd on Saturday December 1, 2007.

We found this speech fascinating, and are sure, if anyone is reading this, that they will appreciate this incredible insight into the civil war in Sri Lanka, terrorist organisations, and in particular the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam.

It begins:

"My beloved Tamil people. My erstwhile former speech writer Bala Anna drank himself to death, and the damn Sri Lanka Air Force silenced his replacement, my late Dove of Peace and close cohort in planning and implementing bloody mayhem. So I thought I’ll write my own speech this time.

…

"Now let me copy-paste the standard litany from my previous speeches. The Sinhala are devils who have been victimizing us for a long time. The Sinhala are liars and cheaters. They are despicable chauvinists. So we are compelled to fight a war to liberate ourselves from Sinhala tyranny. They will always find some excuse or another not to give us one-third of the island for our cherished state, even after we ethnic-cleansed our area of Sinhalese and Muslims to set the stage for our glorious mono-ethnic country. The Sinhala Nation and the Tamil nation are at war, a war I need to consolidate my status as the supreme Surya Thevan ruling over my beloved Tamil people.

"So we must use all out cunning to hoodwink the international community. We must be seen to be peace-loving while engaging in relentless terrorism. But to tell the truth, I’m feeling a bit cornered now. My by-polar syndrome is making my moods swing unpredictably. Worse, it’s intensifying my paranoia. As if that weren’t bad enough, my hypertension and diabetes are taking their toll. But don’t worry, we’ll keep on fighting.

"I’m also depressed that the fame seems to be finally up for us in America. They have frozen millions of dollars of funds we collected by extracting kappang from the Tamil diaspora, drug running, credit card scams and various other nefarious revenue-generating schemes we mastered over the past three decades.

…

"But not to worry, my beloveds: your clever leader still has some tricks up his sleeve.

"Our legal people are also working on getting royalties for our innovations, such as suicide belts, which are very popular among the Jihadis. Of course, they are rolling in Arab money. The Jihadi boys are also lining up for suicide bombing against infidels, compelled by the promised delights in their paradise. So I’m sure it should be a lucrative on-going stream of revenue. I’m betting ‘Tiger’ brand suicide vests and belts will be all the rage among Jihadis from Mindanao to India to Arabia to Europe and America.

"I sure hope they give some grief to the Americans who have come down hard on us. We can’t do it; we have to be nice to them. A lot of our people are there deceiving their way into the power structure. As we know from long experience, it’s best to be servile to the mighty whites everywhere – America, Canada, UK, Europe and Australia. Let the Jihadis give them hell, while we focus on the hated Sinhalese.

…

"But we have had some big victories. Thanks to my son Charles Anthony, our air force inflicted some damage on the enemy and gained us some glory. It was especially sweet to get the Sri Lankans all panicked when they were glued to their TVs watching their cricket hero Jayasuriya just starting his own fire works against the Australians in the West Indies. Charles is a smart lad.

…

"Meanwhile, 21 of my brain-washed young suicide cadres – our glorious commandos – dealt the Sri Lanka air force a big blow. They managed to destroy 24 of their airplanes. Five even managed to get back to receive their medals!

…

"I must give a special thanks to our propagandists around the world, who are doing a good job under difficult circumstances. They are feeding the gullible Westerners expertly constructed canards to win their hearts and minds. Of course, our task is easier because everybody roots for the perceived underdog. So we must strengthen the façade that we are the innocent David fighting against a brutal Goliath, and hope they won’t get wise to the regional reality where 70 million Tamils are the massive majority and the 15 million Sinhalese the real minority in this neck of the woods.

…

"Make no mistake, though; I am still the boss of the Vanni fiefdom. Let me renew my pledge to carve out Eelam. Please feel free to kill me if I fail in my task. In fact, that would be better than dying of diabetes or heart attack. Then I will be immortal as king Ellalan. Your leader commands you to be resolute in the face of the horrendous suffering I have imposed on you. It’s all for a good cause – to maintain my power and gory glory and help me achieve my dream.

"Now, my beloved people crawl out carefully and get back to work."